AudioNotes: Security, Artistry + Trying Intimacy

Winding down April and raw mind spins about semi-real things

euni

May 01, 2025

Transcript

For the sake of letting my mind experiment with expression through words verses the tips of my fingers for a while. I have been thinking for a few weeks now how I wanted to end a lot of things. Pivot, create shifts, open up towards more.

Every day that has passed has pushed me deeper into myself. Into my insides. Held me more honestly in softness and compassion that I didn’t think I needed or even knew. A salve that was created for holding us through deep loss, transition, and griefs.

I have been wondering in so many ways - how much longer until I can settle into becoming the most of myself. Will I ever be fully expressed in all that I am. Will I always hold myself in a form of filtering just to ensure I make it through. Just to make sure I get by.

My dad always says things like enough to survive. Because he has a sense of peace and comfort with survival. With being close to that edge. He has lived a different life than me. And is paving the lines for a different path. So sometimes the ways in which I experienced knowing how to feel peace is so different than his. Because my peace comes from giving my soul a space to feel into this human experience. My peace comes from my ability to dream and express and experience deeply.

If I examine from many angles, I’m certain I will find clinging within the last sentences that I just wrote. But in this moment, I am okay with that. Not a clinging from a place of ownership or control. But a deep deep knowing that I want to experience more. To feel into another sense of knowing and existing that I haven’t quite yet. There’s this way that I feel content with my commitment to living more fully by opening my heart wider and letting intimacy become my guiding point through life.

It feels scary. Honestly, a little unhinged. But what else are we going to do if we don’t let our hearts take the stage and become the main character in this play that we call our life? So, even if it doesn’t make it past the first season - I am going to practice in that space with all of you for a little bit.

These last few months I’ve learned through the language of my body about love in a whole new way. Some things my body had to say to me:

• When euphoria is reached, it’s impossible to not let the tears freely fall from my eyes.

• Love really only looks like being present with whatever is right in front of you and allowing vulnerability to peel back the layers that give you armor to guard your heart.

• Love can find and hold patience through chaos of fear and shame.

• Time doesn’t determine depth in love.

• Love can carry intimacy across many chapters of life and all the ways in which relationships find new shapes.

• It doesn’t matter what we decide to do with our time - we’’ll never be able to escape the force of being called to intimately know, express, and become our most authentic self.

• Intimacy isn’t performed. It’s not forceable. It just happens when we are not trying. When we stop responding. When we quit performing. When we are just existing with all of our fears, failures, desires, and insecurities laying out on the table to be seen. It’s in the ways in which we open up wider to another and give them glimpses of who we are at a deeper level, body-mind-heart-soul. And how we ponder the things we hear from the other and instead of losing, we become more of ourselves.

• Love is leaving space between others and deepening the space experienced within self.

• Intimacy is knowing what it is to be comfortably settled and find stillness in being uncomfortable without needing to create chaos purely for the sake of control. It’s finding practice and routine in the mundane every day things and pleasure in the subtleties that exist in every day life and the moments that happen naturally purely because we soften into allowing ourselves to experience feeling and a bravery to say yes over and over again.

This weekend (Saturday, 10:30am PT) I reopen the digital doors to INBODY LAB Group Mentorship. I’ve moved it to the Substack + it’s accessible for our paid subscribers. It’s the space where you’ll find all the mindmaps, blueprints, meditations, frameworks, and replays of the live labs. It feels special to share this with you. Not from a place of survival or even security through the collection of financial resources. But as a way to been in deep reciprocity, mirroring, and commitment to one another in exploration and depth within intimacy.

Thanks for riffing + mindspining with me.

A Place to Become:

We’re charging ahead with the vision to open our physical space this coming summer! We’ve begun the process to make this possible and your help and support will be an intricate part of making this a reality. This studio will be unlike any other place you’ve experienced and will be a place for this work, our collective groups, and greater visions to evolve, become, and belong. Each month we’ll share more about the progress, plans, and sticking points so that you can be involved every step of the way. Profits, donations, and contributions collected through Self Study will go towards the bringing this space from a dream into reality.