Intro to Adult Play (part 1)
an introduction to expansive lifestyles cultures and a great place to start or refresher of what you might already know in a new perspective.
What if the ways we were modeled and learned to relate to others are not authentically our own? Have you ever felt a tugging - like something was missing or a longing, curiosity or even a bit controlled or contained in a relationship that the foundation felt aligned with your values and morals?
We can have relationships that support our core needs and still desire to connect with others in a variety of ways more intimately.
Purity culture clearly boxes romantic and sexual partnerships into more rigidity in relating - limiting relationships to labeling as 2 people exclusively committed to one another and any straying from this exclusive sexual, mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual connection is cheating or wrong. But the reality is there is more nuance existing beyond the boxes that many of us have lived within our whole lives.
When we learn the skills and gain the confidence and courage to not only explore the depths of our own desires with curiosity over criticism we have the power to learn to communicate, collaborate, and trust our intentions with sharing our body and our lives with others.
Relationships are designed by the people within them. Whether it be two, or more, it takes clarity, honest + kind communication, commitment to connection, an devotion to repair to evolve not only within ourselves, but to release the control of shame, guilt, fear, jealousy, and insecurities we share with others that take everyone involved out of showing up as their most authentic self. Relational work is a life-long-journey. A continual return to breaking down standards that no longer align with our core beliefs and finding bravery to push past what is comfortable to cultivate connections that fill us up inside.
This will look differently for each person. The important thing is not to “play by the societal or cultural rules” but to learn to create and collaborate on designing the containers that you can live within that bring you what you desire and need in relationships founded on consensual + ethical connection and care.
There’s been a bit of a boom in the visibility of non-normalized ways of being in relationship. Non-monogamy is becoming mainstream with reality tv shows, streaming channel series, and dating apps amplifying the possibilities of relationships that are not just around the long standing traditional 1950’s “American Dream.”
In 2018 I ended my last monogamous relationship and spent over a year introspecting on many parts of myself. When I opened back up to exploring connection + dating, I committed to beginning relationships with my core values, desires, and needs being the foundation for a possibility in connections rather than hiding parts of myself and slowly revealing them over time.
This has been a committed practice that has brought me stories, lessons, growth, love, lust, beautiful partnerships, crushing heartbreaks, and a strength and power in myself that I would have never encountered if I hadn’t committed to taking the risks.
To feel the depths of connection we desire, we have to commit to not only being open, but even more so vulnerability in it’s most authentic, raw, messy, and evolving form.
The intimacy we long for cannot be experienced without pushing through the fears and insecurities that keep us guarded and closed off from intimacy. Vulnerability and intimacy are bound.
Intro to Adult Play 101
If you've been wanting to open up or redefine your relationship romantically and/or sexually, explore alternative lifestyles, build a community of like-minded individuals and couples, and add more fun, pleasure, and play to your life, watch the linked video above for a gentle introduction and exploration of basic and popular terminology and vocabulary used in Non-Monogamously aligned groups including kink, BDSM, Lifestyle + EMN Lifestyle Communities.
How do we talk about practice + play with talking about expansive relationship models?
To model how I share more openly and courageously about myself in a way that allows me to feel confident existing outside of the monogamous norms while also centering connective relationships, I’ll share some of my relationship values, identities, and the labels that describe this best for me in this moment in time:
• I am solo-poly and currently single.
My primary relationship is with myself and I am currently not partnered with any other people. I am dating individuals, people who are partnered, and couples without any specific labels or commitments beyond exploring discovery of alignment in attraction, desires, goals, and connection styles.
• The relationship model that feels best for me is relationship anarchy. I am currently exploring exploring relationships that can hold monogamish, non-hierarchal, kitchen table poly practices.
I require agency, transparency, and collaborative freedom in relationship. I practice and feel best in relationships of all kinds with people when I am authentically included in all parts of their life and they can be included in similar ways in mine. I like for all the people in my life to have the ability to be present together, to form their own relationship with each other independent of mine, and for us to all to be able to share time, space, and experiences together as a form of care, love, pleasure + joy. I am committed to not pedestalling one person over another - meaning all of my casual connections, partners, friendships, family, and relationships have similar opportunity to access my time, love, and intimacy. I may share this with each person in different ways, but I am committed to unlearning over and over again the ways I have engrained that care + affection must be earned. And I am committed to unlearning this in every way possible.
In theory, I can have intimate (emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual) connections with many people. But as I’ve practiced this over the last few years, I’ve uncovered that what my heart and energy desire most is depth + devotion in connection which has moved me towards more of a monogamish model. At this point in my life I have goals and certain priorities outside of my relationships that are important to me and require a level of my attention that places a limitation on how I can show up within relationships. Which means I must be more intentional and specific with my time, energy, and intimacy. So I am exploring building depth with fewer people in a way that I can sustain and still keeping my ability to intimately connect in the moments and with the people who feel authentically aligned in a moment.
• I am queerly connecting with people, sexually, and with my views of relationships.
My sexual orientation is pansexual, demisexual, and sapiosexual. I am attracted to energy, emotional depth + vulnerability, and intellectually expansiveness. This attraction can be felt regardless of a persons gender identity or expression, or identified choice in power dynamic. My queerness is a part of my sexuality, the way I view relationships, gender roles, and the way I view and exist within the world.
I will explore in future posts about relating authentically with others through non-monogamy from what I’ve learned and am learning in my own self study. I’d love to hear any reflections you uncover in yours in the comments, notes, or DM’s.
If you’d like to dive deeper into your own intimate journey, book a private session with euni or consider joining us for our group container, INTIMACY // » LAB (doors for enrollment open soon).
INTIMACY //» LAB is A PLACE FOR PLAY.
Inside THE LAB we will explore body centered practices for pleasure, connection, presence, and intimacy. Each month we design and create our own formula for connection to intimacy within the body-mind-heart-soul. The INTIMACY //» LAB is an annual container that can be explored monthly or seasonally. Drop in and design your own unique formula for living a more intimate + pleasure centered life.